Search Institute

SUPPORT

• Family Support | Parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s) provide the child with high levels of consistent and predictable love, physical care, and positive attention in ways that are responsive to the child’s individuality.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONStart some meal traditions—like Wednesday Waffles or Make-Your-Own-Pizza Nights.
  
  Spend lots of time talking to, touching, and holding your children. It will create a foundation for a strong relationship as they grow.
  
  Set time aside each day, even a few minutes, to focus completely on your children. Let them take the lead on what you do, whether it’s snuggle, talk, play, sing, or something else.
  
  Try to give your children plenty of time together and alone with you by enrolling older siblings in special programs or planning play dates with friends. Hire sitters once in a while for younger siblings, or trade time with a friend or partner.
  
  Set aside time together for fun family activities for no particular reason.
• Positive Family Communication | Parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s) express themselves positively and respectfully, engaging young children in conversations that invite their input.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONTeach your children words they can use to describe their feelings. For example, a child may feel pleased, excited, content, or thrilled instead of just happy.
  
  When your children are sad, try to find out why. If they don’t want to tell you, let them know you’re ready to listen whenever they are ready to talk.
  
  Look at children when you speak to them. Eye contact is a simple way to let them know you care.
  
  Some teasing may be fun and playful, but don’t embarrass your child by teasing her when it makes her uncomfortable.
  
  Never scold your children for crying, or tell them they are too old (that big boys and/or girls don’t cry), or pass judgment in any other way on their expressions of sorrow.
• Other Adult Relationships | With the family’s support, the child experiences consistent, caring relationships with adults outside the family.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONPlan activities with other families so your children get to know other parents and you get to know children from other families.
  
  Get involved in a class, group, or informal network with other parents and young children. Even if you don’t separate from your children, encourage them to spend time with the other adults.
  
  You will always be the most important adult in your young child’s life. But your child’s caring adult friends can help you reinforce what you are doing as a parent, helping you to become even more effective.
  Encourage your child to express appreciation for his caring adult friends and relatives. Help him make and send thank you pictures, cards, or unique treats after he’s been treated to a special activity.
  
  Invite a little kid over for a glass of juice.
• Caring Neighborhood | The child’s network of relationships includes neighbors who provide emotional support and a sense of belonging.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWhen you walk through your neighborhood with your children, stop to chat with neighbors who are outside. Introduce them to your children.
  
  Ask your closest neighbors if your children can come to their house if they are upset or get locked out.
  
  To establish relationships with your neighbors, invite them to your home for dinner, a barbecue, or a potluck. Allow time for your children to get to know their adult neighbors.
  
  Participate in National Night Out.
  
  Help your children make and deliver May Day baskets each May 1.
• Caring Climate in Child Care and Educational Settings | Caregivers and teachers create environments that are nurturing, accepting, encouraging, and secure.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWhen you look for a new child-care provider or assess a current arrangement, watch for signs of a caring environment—caregivers and children who enjoy learning and being together. Compliment caregivers when you see these signs. Ask questions when you don’t.
  
  Before leaving your child alone at preschool or daycare, spend time together exploring the room, talking with the teachers, and playing. Give your child a chance to ease into the new environment and the care providers a chance to see how you and your child interact.
  
  Make sure that child-care settings provide a warm, nurturing environment, with age-appropriate toys and equipment. If you have any concerns, talk with the director or supervisor. If you are looking for care, talk to other parents, guardians, and grandparents about where their young children go.
  
  If your child misbehaves in someone else’s care, ask the adult in charge how the situation was handled. If you don’t like what you hear, engage her or him (out of earshot of your child) in a conversation about how you would prefer future situations to be handled.
• Parent Involvement in Child Care and Education | Parent(s), caregivers, and teachers together create a consistent and supportive approach to fostering the child’s successful growth.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONKnow that any amount of involvement makes a big difference to your child.
  
  Make an effort to learn things about your children’s teachers or caregivers. Ask about their interests, hobbies, or families.
  
  Get to know caregivers personally. Find out about their hobbies and interests. Caring about your caregiver helps you establish good communication, which translates into positive relationships between caregiver, child, and you.
  
  If your children spend time in a child-care setting, try to set aside time for occasional visits or regular volunteering. Play with your kids, as well as with others.
  
  When you drop off and pick up your children from child-care, make a point of connecting with other parents and figuring out which kids “go with” which adults. These simple connections build community.

EMPOWERMENT

• Community Cherishes and Values Young Children | Children are welcomed and included throughout community life.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONVisit child-friendly places in your community, such as youth activity programs through your religious organization or the city, and the children’s area of your public library.
  
  Attend local events such as child-friendly festivals, parades, and concerts.
  
  If you have children in your care at a preschool or daycare center, provide parents with ongoing information on events in the area where children are valued.
  
  Try to find healthcare providers who empower children by allowing them to choose their flavor of fluoride or bandage design.
• Children Seen as Resources | The community demonstrates that children are valuable resources by investing in a child-rearing system
  of family support and high-quality activities and resources to meet children’s physical, social, and emotional needs.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONUse community resources that support families, and your child will learn how she might someday be a productive community member.
  
  Visit open houses or community events at police and fire stations.
  
  If you’re making a meal, ask your child to set a napkin next to each place setting.
  
  Engage your child in activities through Boys and Girls Clubs of America, the YMCA, or religious organizations.
  
  If other children will be attending a social event, plan activities for them to do together, such as kickball or card games. Find simple ways to let young children contribute, such as handing out spoons for ice cream.
• Service to Others | The child has opportunities to perform simple but meaningful and caring actions for others.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONCoordinate a food drive and deliver the goods together.
  
  Treat an elderly friend, relative, or neighbor to lunch. Go to a restaurant, bring a picnic, or order take-out.
  
  Make and send cards to hospitalized children, nursing home residents, or people in the military.
  
  Encourage your kids to donate coins—their own or ones you give them—to good causes.
  
  Thank your child for his help and talk to him about the difference he made when he assisted you.
• Safety | Parent(s), caregivers, teachers, neighbors, and the community take action to ensure children’s health and safety.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONA natural consequence should always be safe. A child should not, for example, be allowed to climb up a large bookcase, because serious injury may be the natural consequence.
  
  Teach your child never to approach a strange dog or other animal without first getting your permission or permission from the owner.
  
  Teach children their full name, address, and telephone number.
  
  Stress to children how important it is that they don’t leave their yard or playground without an adult’s permission.
  
  All children who have outgrown car safety seats should be properly restrained in the back seat of the vehicle in a booster seat until they are at least eight years old or at least 4’ 9” tall.
  
  For more tips, see Great Preschools: Building Developmental Assets in Early Childhood

BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS

• Family Boundaries | The family provides consistent supervision for the child and maintains reasonable guidelines for behavior
  that the child can understand and achieve.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONTry not to worry about accidental messes at mealtime. Kids this age are learning an important aspect of being civilized—how to feed themselves. Do set limits, however, regarding playing with food.
  
  If you need to help your child change a behavior, offer an appealing alternative rather than just a reprimand.
  
  Be firm with boundaries, even when your kids are being cute.
  
  Establish clear mealtime rules, such as sharing, passing food when asked (and being sure to ask, not reach), using inside voices, saying “please” and “thank you,” asking for permission before leaving the table, and waiting for a turn to speak.
  
  Set clear, positive rules for home, such as “Use your ‘walking feet’ indoors,” “Gentle petting is nice for the cats, but pulling their tails is not okay,” and “Food is for eating, not throwing.”
  
  For more tips, see Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose: Caring for Your Kids and Yourself.
• Boundaries in Child-care and Educational Settings | Caregivers and educators use positive approaches to discipline and natural
  consequences to encourage self-regulation and acceptable behaviors.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONMake sure your child’s preschool or child-care setting has a positive behavior policy in place. If not, work with staff members and other parents to develop one.
  
  Talk with caregivers about how they will monitor and correct your children’s behavior. Spend time observing your children’s interactions in child-care settings to develop a sense of their comfort levels with their caregivers.
  
  Encourage appropriate behavior by reminding the children in your care to use their “good manners.”
  
  Share information with your child-care provide about your child’s temperament and the disciplinary strategies that work well at home.
• Neighborhood Boundaries | Neighbors encourage the child in positive, acceptable behavior, as well as intervene in negative behavior,
  in a supportive, nonthreatening way.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONIf you observe neighborhood children misbehaving, ask them to stop, and tell their parents what happened.
  
  Teach your children that they need to ask their neighbors’ permission before they walk through their yard, play with their pets, or play in their driveway.
  
  Meet with other neighbors and set neighborhood boundaries for children.
• Adult Role Models | Parent(s) and other adults model self-control, social skills, engagement in learning, and healthy lifestyles.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONSet a good example by limiting your own use of computers and the Internet, especially when your kids are around.
  
  Be aware that when you and your child meet new people together, your child will be watching you to see how you handle the situation. Make good choices.
  
  Try to control your temper in front of your children. They are learning how to handle tough situations by watching you.
  
  Stay active, eat healthy foods, and read whenever you can. The more excited you act about staying healthy and being well rounded, the more likely your children will be to follow suit.
  
  If you work in a child-care setting, invite community role models to join your class or program for an afternoon.
• Positive Peer Relationships | Parent(s) and caregivers seek to provide opportunities for the child to interact positively with other children.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONHelp children make friends with their preschool or kindergarten classmates. Let your child invite a special friend over for a play date or dinner.
  
  Avoid simply instructing a child to say he is sorry. Tell children that an apology involves recognizing what they did wrong, understanding that they hurt someone, and taking actions to make amends.
  
  Teach negotiation through trading. If your child is playing with a toy that another child wants to play with, encourage them to trade toys for a while.
  
  Set up play dates with children who are a good match with your child.
• Positive Expectations | Parent(s), caregivers, and teachers encourage and support the child in behaving appropriately, undertaking
  challenging tasks, and performing activities to the best of her or his abilities.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONCorrect misbehavior by redirecting your child’s attention and then offering praise for the positive action you want.
  
  Anticipate and tolerate messes. Give children freedom to create within a certain space. Keep in mind that setup and cleanup may take longer than the activities themselves.
  
  Offer positive comments and praise when children behave in desirable ways. Reinforcing positive behavior can reduce the need for correction.
  
  Make sure all tasks are appropriate for the developmental abilities of the child.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

• Play and Creative Activities | The child has daily opportunities to play in ways that allow self-expression, physical activity, and
  interaction with others.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONMake a book with a young child. Cut out magazine illustrations for pictures. Write a fictional story with the child and yourself as the main characters.
  
  Check out music for young children from the library, such as music by Raffi, Baby Genius, Music for Little People, Susie Tallman, and Greg & Steve. Ask the librarian for other recommendations.
  
  Sing to your child (even if you can’t sing). Dance with your child. Fill your home life with music.
  
  Make sure your children have plenty of time to play with others and by themselves.
  
  Use music, puzzles, books, blocks, dramatic play, and games to add variety and interest to your children’s day.
• Out-of-home and Community Programs | The child experiences well-designed programs led by competent, caring adults in well maintained settings.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONSign your child up for one or two outside-the-home activities—led by caring, nurturing adults—such as swimming lessons, scouting, art projects, a sports team, music lessons, or something else that interests them.
  
  Look for programs and activities that are fun for children. Programs that push children to excel can be harmful. The best programs for this age group are often ones that emphasize play.
  
  Keep an eye on décor: Is it safe and appropriate for children? Is the environment stimulating, organized, and thoughtfully arranged?
  
  Check out the “play” schedule at your local community center for open gym and recreation times.
  
  Make regular visits to your local library and attend “story time. ”
• Religious Community | The child participates in age-appropriate religious activities and caring relationships that nurture her or his
  spiritual development.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONTogether, read stories and enjoy music and other creative arts that have religious or spiritual themes.
  
  Spend time regularly with other parents and families who share your spiritual beliefs, practices, and priorities.
  
  Adapt your religious and spiritual practices to match your child’s developmental abilities. Children this age may only be able to sit 10-15 minutes (or less) at one time. Offer a quiet activity or book to keep your child engaged.
  
  Encourage your child to talk about her interpretations of spiritual or religious concepts, asking questions to clarify comments, rather than judging what she says.
  
  Answer his questions about religious beliefs that differ from yours in an honest and nonjudgmental way.
• Time at Home | The child spends most of her or his time at home participating in family activities and playing constructively,
  with parent(s) guiding TV and electronic game use.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWatch what they watch. When you pop in a movie or turn on a show, sit down with your kids and watch. If you see things that surprise you or make you uncomfortable, turn it off or choose a different option next time.
  
  Make something together, such as homemade play dough, blueberry muffins, or place mats for the family dinner table.
  
  Allow for daily downtime when nothing is schedule or expected of your child.
  
  As much as possible, keep young children off the Internet and limit computer use until they go to school. They will pick up the skills they need soon enough, you don’t need to worry about giving them a “head start.”
  
  If possible, stagger your workdays with your parenting partner’s schedule so that you can decrease the time your child spends in child-care. Even in a great child-care environment, small children wear out by the end of the day and need time at home with mom or dad.

COMMITMENT TO LEARNING

• Motivation to Mastery | The child responds to new experiences with curiosity and energy, resulting in the pleasure of mastering new
  learning and skills.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWhen helping your children learn new skills, use corrective directions rather than telling them what they are doing wrong. There is a big difference, for example, between, “No, not like that,” and “Okay, now let’s try it this way,” followed by a demonstration.
  Don’t neglect the areas where your child struggles. It’s just as important that children develop physical coordination as well as intellectual curiosity.
  Teach your children to be like “The Little Engine That Could” by using positive self-talk. The Little Engine, for example, wanted to climb over a mountain for the first time with a very large, heavy load. The whole way the Little Engine repeated to himself the phrase “I think I can; I think I can; I think I can.”
  Participate as a family in rituals and practices that engage the five senses—sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell.
  Encourage creative expression with music, dance, or art.
• Engagement in Learning Experiences | The child fully participates in a variety of activities that offer opportunities for learning.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONVisit a library and check out audio books that you can listen to together, or that your child can listen to on a personal headset. This can be a great alternative to DVD players in the car.
  
  Engage your children in different types of activities (art, listening to stories, make-believe games, using their hands and fingers) that stimulate different parts of the brain.
  
  Give your children creative, fun challenges. Ask things like, “What could we make with this empty cardboard box and this paint and paintbrush?”
  
  Stretch young minds by reading good books together, listening to books on tape, and playing creative problem-solving games involving simple puzzles.
  
  Turn learning into “play.” Kids this age love to count, identify colors, and find letters of the alphabet in funny, unexpected places. Help your child find them on cereal boxes, shampoo containers, billboards, and elsewhere.
  
  Introduce your family to nature. On a nice day, take a family walk. Visit a playground that has trees nearby. Ask your children what animals and bugs they see.
• Home-program Connection | The child experiences security, consistency, and connections between home and out-of-home care
  programs and learning activities.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWhen your kids start school, start a new tradition as well. One mom created a necklace of beads for her daughter. She and her daughter asked important people in their lives to select a bead for the chain as a reminder of all of the people who supported the girl and helped her grow into a child ready for kindergarten.
  
  If your children are in child-care or preschool, take time to get to know the adults there. Talk with them about your children’s personalities, likes and dislikes, and other attributes. Help them get to know your kids.
  
  Keep in touch with your child’s teacher or child-care provider.
  
  Read all child-care or school newspapers, notes, and printed announcements posted or sent home. Respond quickly to requests.
  
  Get together with the parents of the other children in the child-care program.
• Bonding to Programs | The child forms meaningful connections with out-of-home care and educational programs.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONLearn what your child likes and dislikes about school. Ask specific questions about music, gym, art, outside play, and lunch. Don’t be alarmed if your child likes lunch or recess best, and also try to figure out if you can make suggestions to the staff that will help improve your child’s experience.
  
  Visit the class to read books.
  
  Display class photos or your child’s artwork at home.
  
  Ask your child questions about her day, such as “Who sat by you at snack time today?”
• Early Literacy | The child enjoys a variety of pre-reading activities, including adults reading to her or him daily, looking at and
  handling books, playing with a variety of media, and showing interest in pictures, letters, and numbers.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONSurround your children with picture books. Give them to your kids as gifts. If you can’t afford to buy them, check them out of the library.
  
  Read aloud to your children every day. If possible, read aloud more than once a day.
  
  Buy board books for your children (check out used bookstores for bargains). Keep the books with your children’s toys so that your kids are used to seeing books as part of their everyday lives.
  
  At this age, the best things you can do to support your children’s learning and readiness for school are to read, read, read to them and help them safely discover and explore the world.
  
  Read books about lots of different types of animals from all over the world. Include funny books, factual ones, and those with good story lines.

POSITIVE VALUES

• Caring | The child begins to show empathy, understanding, and awareness of others’ feelings.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONChildren who feel that others respect their feelings and care about their well-being are more likely to care for others. Be sensitive to your children’s emotional needs, and help them learn healthy ways to express their feelings.
  
  Compliment your children when they act on the positive values you want to reinforce, such as saying, “Thank you, Marcel, for being so kind and gentle with the kitten.” or “I’m so glad you told me the truth, even though you thought I might be angry.”
  
  Love your child unconditionally.
  
  Recognize caring behaviors in children, and comment on uncaring behavior when it happens.
  
  Do not allow your child to witness violence and cruelty on television, computers, video and arcade games, or in movies or music.
• Equality and Social Justice | The child begins to show concern for people who are excluded from play and other activities or not treated
  fairly because they are different.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONHelp your children develop empathy by responding positively when they reach out to others. For example: “It was nice of you to play with Sadie when the other kids told her she couldn’t use the blocks.”
  
  When you see groups of children leaving others out or being mean to them, talk to the other parents or caregivers about putting a stop to that behavior.
  
  Have a “You can’t say you can’t play” rule in your home. It means that a child can decide to remove her- or himself from a group situation, but a group playing together cannot turn away anyone who wants to respectfully join in.
  
  Call attention to fair behavior, and praise children when they practice it.
  
  Talk to children about how it feels to be excluded.
• Integrity | The child begins to express her or his views appropriately and to stand up for a growing sense of what is fair and right.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONTeach children about integrity in simple ways. For example, explain, “When someone thanks you for doing something you didn’t do, it’s important to say so. You can say, ‘Thanks for thanking me, but my brother did it.’”
  
  Quickly, lightheartedly acknowledge small mistakes, “Oh no, that wasn't what I meant to do.” Then move on.
  
  At daycare, set up a “lost and found” box to encourage honesty and integrity.
  
  While reading books to your child, point out circumstances that are unjust to foster her sense of what is fair and right.
  
  When your kids complain, “That’s not fair!” ask, “What can we do to make things more fair?” Talk about how the terms “fair” and “equal” don’t usually mean “exactly the same.”
  
  To build integrity, stand up for your child and stand up for yourself when your child says, “I hate you.” You want your child to express herself in tactful, caring ways.
• Honesty | The child begins to understand the difference between truth and lies, and is truthful to the extent of her or his understanding.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONGive kids the chance to tell the truth. Instead of accusing, ask: “Do you think it might be hard for me to believe what you just told me?”
  
  Avoid small untruths like, “The juice is gone,” when really you just don't want them to have any more.
  
  Remember that children ages 3 to 5 do not always know when they are being untruthful. Don’t punish young children for “lying” when they are unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
  
  Encourage your child to be honest about his fears. Try to help him name his fears so he can begin to talk about them honestly.
  
  Instead of punishing your child for telling a lie, emphasize the importance of telling the truth.
• Responsibility | The child begins to follow through on simple tasks to take care of her- or himself and to help others.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONKids can learn to help pick up and store their belongings at a very young age. Use simple storage methods, including baskets or tubs with large openings, for putting away children’s toys, books, and other supplies.
  
  Invite your child to help you prepare for meals. Even young children can put out placemats, distribute utensils, or add ingredients.
  
  Make tasks fun by singing while you work together. Sing about picking up socks or toys, clearing the table, or wiping a spill.
  
  Watch an age-appropriate educational TV show with your child and point out responsible behaviors.
• Self-regulation | The child increasingly can identify, regulate, and control her or his behaviors in healthy ways, using adult support
  constructively in particularly stressful situations.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONIf your child will not be distracted, give short explanations as to why something is harmful and what’s a better choice instead. For example, “We don’t use swear words. When we’re angry, we say that we’re mad.” Then find out where your child is learning the swear words.
  
  Read picture books that describe emotions and show how people express them through laughing, smiling, crying, or talking.
  
  Help your preschooler handle his emotions when playing with other children and adults.
  
  Remember that very young children are learning to control their impulses, test limits of acceptable behavior, and negotiate relationships. These skills take many years to fully develop.

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

• Planning and Decision Making | The child begins to plan for the immediate future, choosing from among several options and trying to
  solve problems.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONInvolve your children in planning ahead for outings. Help them choose appropriate clothes to wear and activities to bring. Talk about what they’ll be doing.
  
  Draw simple pictures showing the events of an upcoming day.
  
  As soon as your children are ready, give them choices of what they can wear. Limit their options to two or three outfits or parts so they aren’t overwhelmed.
  
  If you ask a young child to make a choice, be sure you’re prepared to honor all the options. For example, instead of asking if he or she is ready for bed, you might say, “It’s time for bed. Would you like one story or two?”
  
  Let children help you as you make lists for groceries, errands, or family chores.
• Interpersonal Skills | The child cooperates, shares, plays harmoniously, and comforts others in distress.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONCalmly and firmly separate yourself from a child who bites or hits. It's never a good idea to bite or hit back to “teach a lesson.”
  
  If your child is aggressive with other children, closely supervise playtime. If you see your child becoming agitated, gently step in and either calm the situation with simple language or move your child somewhere else.
  
  Be patient with young children as they learn new skills. Teach them how to be a friend, such as asking someone what he or she wants to do and taking turns picking what to play.
  
  At mealtimes, have family members say one thing they like about each other.
  
  Encourage sharing. Tell your child it is the kind and fair way to behave.
• Cultural Awareness and Sensitivity | The child begins to learn about her or his own cultural identity and to show acceptance of people
  who are racially, physically, culturally, or ethnically different from her or him.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONRead and tell your children stories about lots of different kinds of people and families.
  
  Spend time with your child in places where you encounter lots of different people, even if it means you have to leave your own neighborhood to go to a different park or grocery store.
  
  Watch TV shows or play games together that have messages about different cultures and countries. Talk about them afterward.
  
  Talk with children about how people live in different types of homes, have different skin colors, types of jobs, family configurations, and so on. Keep books and toys on hand that reflect this diversity, making “differences” familiar.
  
  Do not allow children to use discriminatory remarks or language.
• Resistance Skills | The child begins to sense danger accurately, to seek help from trusted adults, and to resist pressure from peers to
  participate in unacceptable or risky behavior.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONWhen your child starts making a bad choice or is influenced negatively by another child, distract your child with another activity that’s more positive.
  
  Help young children learn to speak up for themselves by saying things like, “No, that’s not okay.” Coach them on walking away from bad behaviors and getting help from an adult if the behavior they experience doesn’t stop.
  
  When you see one child being pressured by another, talk to both of them. Tell the child who is pressuring the other that his words and actions are not kind. Tell the child being pressured that he can always say no and that he has choices about what to do.
• Peaceful Conflict Resolution | The child begins to compromise and resolve conflicts without using physical aggression or hurtful language.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONAllow your kids to cry when they are upset; it’s a normal reaction. However, don’t let them hit, bite, or otherwise hurt you or anyone else. If children become physically aggressive, remove them from the situation.
  
  Help preschoolers work through their feelings about interpersonal conflict. Ask each child to name his feelings and try to understand how the other child might feel. Say “Can you think of some peaceful ways to solve the problem?” Suggest (but don’t demand) solutions if children can’t come up with any of their own.
  
  When your child’s behavior is out-of-bounds, speak to her or him as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you.

POSITIVE IDENTITY

• Personal Power | The child can make choices that give a sense of having some influence over things that happen in her or his life.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONLet children do things their own way sometimes, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. If they enjoy looking at books upside down and backward, or want to wash and dry each dish one at a time, don’t interfere.
  
  Avoid fights about clothing. Kids this age may have strong opinions, may not care at all, or may be inconsistent. Depending on a child’s temperament, it may work to have a “uniform”—a rotating set of similar clothes or one drawer full of clothes that are always okay to choose from.
  
  Let children play with toys they like. This helps them find their motivation inside—they’re having fun to please themselves, not to please others.
  
  Encourage children to color outside the lines—or draw their own pictures!
• Self-Esteem | The child likes her- or himself and has a growing sense of being valued by others.
  SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTIONFrom the very beginning of their lives, avoid comparing your kids to one another. Acknowledge and celebrate what’s special about each person in your family.
  
  Girls in our culture generally have more freedom to try on traditionally masculine styles, attitudes, and activities. Be especially sensitive to allowing boys the same room to explore who they are.
  
  Focus on children’s emerging personalities, not on their looks.
  
  Display children’s art at work, at home, or anywhere. Keep the focus on how much your children enjoy the arts or new skills they are developing, rather than on assessing the quality of their work.
• Sense of Purpose | The child anticipates new opportunities, experiences, and milestones in growing up.
• Positive View of Personal Future | The child finds the world interesting and enjoyable, and feels that he or she has a positive place in it.