Other Caring Adults
Small Business Owners
The people who run or work at the local deli, coffee shop, bookshop, video or hardware store, pharmacy or gas station, can be important assets to any community- and potentially friends to your teen. Tom Garrison, a graduate student in broadcasting in Lincoln, Nebraska, grew up in a small town. When his parents had to work late, they’d give him and his sister some money to eat at the local, small-town café. His dad knew Brenda, the manager, and the two had conspired (unbeknownst to Tom) to make sure the siblings ate a healthy meal.
After asking about school, Brenda would make funny negotiations with the two youth when they placed their orders: “You can eat whatever you want, but your dad says you have to drink milk instead of soda tonight” or “You can have cheeseburgers and French fries, but first you have to eat a salad or some green beans,” Tom says. This was our parents’ way to stay connected with us when they were unavailable, and Brenda always made us feel as if she was making dinner just for us instead of taking orders from customers.
Not all small business owners realize the ability they have to create a friendly, supportive community for young people, even develop a special connection with some, but those who do often find it’s good for business. So be sure to introduce your teen to the owners, managers, and employees of local shops and services. And encourage your teen to be respectful and polite when patronizing local businesses to help build rapport and counter negative stereotypes about teens.
An Expert
Don’t underestimate how honored an expert might feel to be asked to share his or her knowledge with young people. Especially if it’s an uncommon field of work, the expert will likely be happy to have a young person show interest and may even be willing to take on an Connect 5apprentice.
Has your son or daughter ever expressed an interest in a particular area? Car repair? Weaving? Geography? Forestry? Science fiction? Cooking? Philosophy? Running a small business? Fishing? Space travel? Alternative healing? A musical instrument not offered in school? Make a call to someone in that field and see if you can arrange a visit.
Sometimes, as parents, we hear ideas from our kids pop up, and we may dismiss them because we can’t see exactly how our children could “fit” the mold of make a living in such a field. But even if these are passing interests for our kids, they are also opportunities to connect them to interesting, caring adults who know something about these areas.
My youngest son always enjoyed tagging along with me to garage sales. He would make a beeline for the tables with jewelry and pour over the offerings. One day, I had to visit a silversmith to repair a ring and, remembering Erik’s interest in jewelry, I asked the craftsman if my son could watch him in action. The silversmith was delighted to be asked and showed Erik one of the steps in making a ring. Every time we pass that shop he remembers fondly that encounter and how kind the proprietor was to take the time to interact with him.
Activities to Try
Put On a “Seniors” Prom
Do you have a knack for planning entertaining get-togethers or organizing events? Consider working with your teen and his or her high school or congregation to put on a dance that brings together senior citizens and senior high school students. Student council, parent-teacher associations, and youth groups are good places to start the ball rolling.
The idea has been a big hit in Los Alamos, New Mexico, where teens and elde5rs have two-stepped, swung, and whirled around the dance floor during Seniors Prom for an evening of intergenerational merriment.* In the Abingtons, a group of eight municipalities near Scranton, Pennsylvania, high school students organized a similar even at a local retirement home.
In the beginning, it can be a little awkward, according to Lil Ortega, who was the 1998 high school senior class sponsor in Los Alamos. “But eventually the kids ask the senior citizens to dance. And before long, the older folks ask the young folks.”
Music has been provided by the Los Alamos Jazz Band, and the older generation has shown the younger ones how to two-step and do the Charleston. “The older people don’t have the inhibitions the young ones do,” according to Ortega. “Everyone ends up laughing and having a fun time.” Some teens have even been inspired to take ballroom dancing lessons at the senior citizens center, making it possible for them to build friendships.
*“Swinging across a generation ‘gap,’” Assets Magazine, Summer 1998, 4.
Open Up Your Book Group
If you join a group of adults regularly to talk books, consider opening the group up once or twice a year to your teens. Hearing other book club members share their observations and stories will help your teen get to know the other adults in an interesting way and may encourage them to start up friendships based on what they find they have in common.
It’s a great opportunity to pick a book of interest to both generations, too, or suggest that the group read (or re-read) a book that the teens are assigned in an English class. Centering your conversation on that book will give the teens a special advantage- the benefit of all of your insights when the teen has to talk about the book in class, or vice versa, the benefit of the class’s insight when your teen contributes to the book group conversation.
Talking about books with adults also offers teens an excellent opportunity to explore many topics of interest to teens:
- How others get through difficult situations.
- Seeing that many of the feelings they’re experiencing are universal ones (so they’re really not the odd ducks they often think they are)!
- Understanding what other people are experiencing in situations or environments that are very different from their own.
Before the group begins discussing the selected book, consider doing an icebreaker activity. In one fun opener, called two truths and a lie, you tell three things about yourself, two of which are true and one of which is a fib. The rest of the group tries to figure out which statement is not true. It often leads to some good chuckles and a bit of amazement. You could even adapt the activity, on the basis of the book read and its characters, by telling a truth or lie that parallels something in the book.
